Rant

So there was this upperclassman in my orchestra last year and she would always give my friend and me advice on high school and stuff. I thought she was so cool because she's involved in a ton of extra-cirriculars and just seemed really mature and nice.


And then this year, I saw her at open house and tried to make eye-contact with/say hi to her, but she didn't see me. Then the school year started and I slowly realized that she's ignoring me. I realized it within the first few weeks of school, but I'm only writing about it now because it pisses me off and I need to write about it. It's ok to blog about this kind of stuff because it's all anonymous, right?

As a brief background, I'll explain how I perceive her personality.

I think that she's going to be really successful in the world. As in, she's really organized and on top of things. As well as ambitious and a good actor. I think that she may be a good friend/decent person because I know a lot of her friends and they're all good people and there isn't any big gossip about her. Except that entire sentence is probably pretty inaccurate because I live under a rock; therefore, I don't know any of the gossip and I'm not that close with the orchestra people so maybe they're not as good people as I thought. 


It's too complicated to explain my view of the orchestra hierarchy and society in general, maybe those of you fellow 'quiet people' who live somewhere between friends and acquaintances with most others will understand. Or whoever, it doesn't matter where you lay in the game of life.

Back to the her personality. She knows how to play her cards, if I'm using that expression correctly. I think that she knows when to keep quiet and who she can afford to not be friends with. Remember that this is all speculation, so I'll keep the 'I think' off of the beginning of every sentence. We were going to be in the same orchestra and same section for an entire year and she probably thought I would be able to make a higher orchestra next year, which is good grounds for making a 'friend'. I know when people first see me, they think that I'm smart and demure, but I don't know if they can see my arrogance once they get to know me. I hope they can't, but maybe she saw that I was ambitious and thought that I actually had the ability to make them come true.

The point is that even though I knew she's ambitious, I thought that she was also friendly and liked me. I'm 99% sure I'm wrong about the last part. 

This rant has been rolling around in my head for a few weeks, so here goes:

I'm not exactly sure which part of me screams 'befriend me and then ditch me when we don't share a class anymore', but it's lying.

If you don't like me, then don't say hi to me in the hall. If you don't like me, then don't compliment me or talk to me unless necessary.

I get that I'm not the coolest person in the world and I entirely understand if you don't like me. If, for some reason, you have established contact with me and no longer want to have anything to do with me, then do not leave me awkwardly trying to make eye contact with you for 2 weeks. I do not appreciate awkwardly trying to make eye contact with someone for 2 weeks. It's embarrassing.

Just tell me. You can tell me in whatever way you want. You can say 'I don't like you' or cuss me out. You can tell me to stay away from you or to die in a hole. I will be honest, all of the above will hurt my feelings, but completely ignoring me also hurts my feelings. Yes, I have feelings. Is that surprising? Do I seem like the unfeeling type? I don't know.

In any case, the only difference between ignoring me and being honest is by the time I realize you're ignoring me, I would have already gotten over my hurt feelings.

I faintly realize that it's not the norm to tell somebody you dislike them and it's not something I do myself. But at the same time, I don't ignore people. And if I do, it's not on purpose. If somebody tries to talk to me, but I hate their guts, I won't ignore them. I might not be as...warm as I would to somebody I consider a friend, but I'll do my best to be nice and sociable. I don't care how often we see each other, what your grades are, how good looking your face is, or what orchestra you're in. If you talk to me, I'll talk to you. If you wave hi to me in the hall, I'll wave hi back as long as I see it.

So I guess it's ok to dislike me, but still talk to me as long as you intend to see it through?

It would actually be pretty nice if you told me what part of me you don't like. Do you not like my face? My personality? The way I talk? The things I say? Did I run over your chinchilla?

It would make my day, if someone just told me how to act. Or if I had this guide to social interactions. That would be amazing.

I don't know exactly who 'you' is, but it's a rant, I don't care. Same with how the coherence begins to fall apart in the last few paragraphs. This has once again become an extremely long post, sorry about that. I will probably add more to this later or even make a page on my opinion on society and people. But for now, I need to do WHAP hw... TT_TT

As a last note, I do have a tendency to have a skewed view of people and anything that involves social interactions, so I could be completely wrong.